Wednesday, September 29, 2010
My Grandmother Lives on in my Heart
My grandmother died recently.
She was a remarkable 102 years old . She was healthy and happy for most of her long life - well into her nineties. The past year few years she had started to wind down , her deafness increasing and her arthritis acting up. Last year she suffered two strokes , which left her incapacitated and forced my family to put her in a nursing facility.
She lived in Holyoke, Massachusetts her whole life with her family , the Oehlers, until she married my grandfather , James B. Lappin Sr. when she was 35. They had one son , James, my father and lived a happy, peaceful, productive life, until my grandfather's death in 1979. My grandfather died when i was 13 years old from lung cancer. He smoked Lucky Strikes for most of his life , like a lot of men in those days . They eventually killed him , even though he had quit for many years. He was special , a quiet and gentle man with a wicked sense of humor and we all missed him terribly.
My grandmother was a strong women and carried on. She eventually remarried and lived 15 years happily married for a second time. She lived on her own after the death of her second husband , Douglas Davidson -until she was 95 , then moved in with my parents until she became ill at the end of her life and went into the nursing home. I got to see her one last time before she slipped into that nether-world before death and we said our heartfelt goodbyes. She wanted to die at that point and i prayed for her release from this world. She lived another 6 months unaware of any of us . It broke my heart to see her body cling to life so tenaciously , but it was testament to her strong heart and how much she loved life. She had a hard time letting go.
I have so many wonderful memories of my grandparents . I felt robbed when my grandfather took ill and finally died and i felt lucky to have had my grandmother for so long , though selfishly i was still not ready to lose her .I still miss them both very much.
Now that they are both gone , i have only my memories to return to when i need their love. I am keeping a space in my heart for the love that i was given, hoping it will be with me until the day that i die .
This blog is for them. It is dedicated to my grandmother because she was ever-present in my childhood and in my adult life and i want to honor the unique bond that we had.
Fur sie liebe Oma. For you , dear grandmother.
She was a remarkable 102 years old . She was healthy and happy for most of her long life - well into her nineties. The past year few years she had started to wind down , her deafness increasing and her arthritis acting up. Last year she suffered two strokes , which left her incapacitated and forced my family to put her in a nursing facility.
She lived in Holyoke, Massachusetts her whole life with her family , the Oehlers, until she married my grandfather , James B. Lappin Sr. when she was 35. They had one son , James, my father and lived a happy, peaceful, productive life, until my grandfather's death in 1979. My grandfather died when i was 13 years old from lung cancer. He smoked Lucky Strikes for most of his life , like a lot of men in those days . They eventually killed him , even though he had quit for many years. He was special , a quiet and gentle man with a wicked sense of humor and we all missed him terribly.
My grandmother was a strong women and carried on. She eventually remarried and lived 15 years happily married for a second time. She lived on her own after the death of her second husband , Douglas Davidson -until she was 95 , then moved in with my parents until she became ill at the end of her life and went into the nursing home. I got to see her one last time before she slipped into that nether-world before death and we said our heartfelt goodbyes. She wanted to die at that point and i prayed for her release from this world. She lived another 6 months unaware of any of us . It broke my heart to see her body cling to life so tenaciously , but it was testament to her strong heart and how much she loved life. She had a hard time letting go.
I have so many wonderful memories of my grandparents . I felt robbed when my grandfather took ill and finally died and i felt lucky to have had my grandmother for so long , though selfishly i was still not ready to lose her .I still miss them both very much.
Now that they are both gone , i have only my memories to return to when i need their love. I am keeping a space in my heart for the love that i was given, hoping it will be with me until the day that i die .
This blog is for them. It is dedicated to my grandmother because she was ever-present in my childhood and in my adult life and i want to honor the unique bond that we had.
Fur sie liebe Oma. For you , dear grandmother.
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